Uncle Marx is a Jerk
by Majestic Butler
Summary: Just what could Marx be up to that has him convinced it'll make grumpy old Zero crack a smile?


**A/N: The characters are imagined here as gijinka.**

**Uncle Marx is a Jerk**

By Kirby1249

Marx is a jerk. He uses other people's showers and rubes his nakedness on said other people's towels without even asking. It's the worst. It doesn't even give Zero time to put out the guest towels. It wasn't until recently that Zero learned how big of a jerk Marx was.

Marx stepped out of the stained glass shower. Walking up to the foggy mirror, Marx thought about how awesome Zero's shower is... and weird. And cool… and how impractical it is. Marx stopped in front of the shiny sink that Zero had just cleaned two hours ago. He ripped off the monogrammed white towel and rubbed it all over the mirror, getting his nakedness all over it during the process. He always uses Zero's towels.

Genuinely pleased with himself, Marx threw the sopping wet towel against a nearby wall. The towel hit with a squelch, and then fell on the floor, landing on a Dark Matter who for some reason was watching Marx shower. After he realized he forgot his clothes, Marx proceeded to go get them, stepping out of the bathroom in the buff, blinding neighbors as he walked past the sliding glass window. But before he got his clothes, he decided that he wanted a Pop Tart. Heading toward the kitschy kitchen, Marx thought about all the different kinds of Pop Tarts that there are. Then he thought about how the only flavors that he could choose from—as Zero is very stingy and lacking in taste—were strawberry and magic-banana. As he searched for the magic-banana flavored toaster pastries, a very disgusted Zero walked into his kitchen and saw a very nude Marx rummaging through his cupboards.

"What do you think you're doing?" Zero asked, looking away from Marx in disgust.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Marx replied, nibbling on his toaster pastry. "I'm eating a Pop Tart, dipwad!"

"Naked?!" Zero exclaimed. "And in my kitchen!"

"So?" Marx said with his mouth full, Pop Tart crumbs falling everywhere in the process.

"So, _maybe_ you could put some clothes on." Zero hissed.

"_Fine_. I'll go put my clothes on." Marx whined, throwing his Pop Tart over his shoulder. So Marx left the kitchen, leaving a dripping mess behind him. Zero sighed. He was tired of cleaning up after his lilac-haired friend every single day and night. Zero looked down at the puddle of water Marx had left behind. Brushing his hair out of his un-bandaged eye, he looked for the Swifer mop.

"Maybe tomorrow will be better." Zero murmured to himself as he proceeded to mop up the puddle.

* * *

><p>The next day Zero woke up to the sun shining in his face (the sun is also a jerk, in case you haven't noticed by now). He sat up and yawned, hoping today wouldn't end up like yesterday- or the day before yesterday. After the Marx incident, all of the Dark Matter asked Zero to read them a bedtime story. He had to read them "Meta Knight: The Story of Me" for the millionth time last night. Sometimes he wished that they could entertain themselves for once.<p>

_THONK! _

Zero turned to the door to find Marx leaning against the doorframe, a large grin on his face.

"Zero, I have something to show you." Marx said. "I think that you're going to like it." Marx stepped out of the door way, gesturing for Zero to follow.

"He seems to be in a good mood." Zero grumbled. He got out of his bed, not bothering to change out of his silken dinosaur pajamas, and followed Marx. Leaving the large bedroom, Zero wondered what in the world Marx got that he thought would possibly please Zero, the man of no pleasant emotions. Especially when everything that Marx did seemed to irritate Zero. When he reached the living room, Zero found Marx in the living room, a brown box sitting next to him.

"What is it Uncle Marx?" One of the Dark Matter asked.

"You'll see." Marx answered. Zero looked around at the groups of Dark Matter crowding Marx like a new born would do to its mother.

"What is in the box Marx?" Zero asked suspiciously, keeping his eye locked onto the box.

"Well let's find out!" Marx laughed, taking out a pocket knife. Marx slid the knife on the masking tape that kept the box closed tight. The Dark Matter looked like they would explode any second. The tape was finally cut and Marx opened the box to reveal a toy blue elephant inside that had a very long nose.

"What in the world is that stupid thing?" Zero asked.

"I know what it is!" One of the Dark Matter said. "It's Elefun the Elephant!'

"That is exactly what it is!" Marx cheered, throwing his arms up in the air like a child.

"And why did you waste money on this ridiculous contraption?" Zero asked,

"I bought this so the Dark Matter could entertain themselves." Marx answered, his grin getting larger by the second.

Zero looked at the small toy his Dark Matter had already fallen in love with. Maybe for once in his life, Marx actually did something that pleased Zero.

* * *

><p>And of course, Zero was wrong. Ever since Marx brought that annoying toy into the house, it has brought Zero pain. For once in his life, Zero thought that Marx had done something to please him but, he was incorrect. Zero has gone through 10 packs of C batteries! Zero still couldn't believe how expensive they were, too! He had been bleeding out of his eyes more than ever before due to this stress. The skin under his eyes was stained with blood and he couldn't scrub it off no matter how hard he tried. All Zero could do is sigh. There was no stopping the Dark Matter from playing with that irritating contraption.<p>

"At least they stopped asking for stupid bedtime stories," Zero muttered to himself. "It gives me more time to read my book." And before he could even read one whole page, a deafening wail came from the Dark Matters' bedroom. Zero put down his book, sighed, and got out of his bed to go and see what the Dark Matter were crying about. Marx saw Zero and decided to follow.

"What are you doing?" Marx asked him in a very annoying way. Marx looked at Zero with big puppy eyes.

"Go away, Marx," Zero said. "And stop looking at me with those eyes. It bothers me." Zero walked into the Dark Matters' bedroom. All of the Dark Matter was crying their eyes out because something happened to the Elefun the Elephant toy.

"Zero, it stopped working!" One of the younger Dark Matter cried. Zero picked up the blue elephant. As usual, the batteries were out of juice. Remembering exactly where he kept the new ones, he headed toward the kitchen, Marx following behind him. Zero opened a cupboard to the far right of the room and got out the C batteries. Marx headed toward the cupboard where the Pop Tarts were. As he changed the batteries, Zero thought of an idea. He put the old batteries back in.

"It's broken." Zero told Marx.

"But I just bought it yesterday," Marx said. "It can't be broken yet."

"Well the Dark Matter _have_ been playing with it a lot." Zero said.

"Okay then," Marx replied, sighing. "Let's go tell the Dark Matter the bad news." Zero waited for Marx to leave before putting the new batteries back. Removing the toy from his clean counters, Zero followed behind Marx, a giant smile on his face. The Dark Matters' anxious eyes waited for the two to return with the toy that had become their new best friend. They looked up at the two tall figures and waited for them to put the plastic elephant back in its spot, but were disappointed to see that Zero wasn't going to.

"What's wrong with Elefun?" A lone Dark Matter asked.

"Elefun is broken," Zero answered a smile still on his face. "And you know where broken things go."

"In the closet." All of the Dark Matter sighed. Zero saw how sad each Dark Matter looked and sighed. He hated seeing them so depressed. He went back into the kitchen, opened up the cupboard to the far right, and took out a pair of C batteries. He changed the batteries and with another sigh, turned on the butterfly spewing elephant. All of the Dark Matter flew into the kitchen. They giggled and were happy to see their friend Elefun back to normal. Marx came falling in behind the giant crowd of darkness that loved the plastic elephant that Zero had pretended broke.

"It seems that everything worked out for everyone." Marx told Zero. Zero looked at Marx. All of this chaos had started because of him, but this wasn't any new information.

"Marx." Zero said, smiling.

"What?" Marx replied, reaching for the Pop Tart cupboard.

"You're a jerk."

Sighing, Zero left the room and went to sleep, hoping that tomorrow will be better, leaving a butthurt Marx speechless.


End file.
